Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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