Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
