put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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