she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
