For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
