if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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