my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
