I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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