well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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