we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
