My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
