Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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