Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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