Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
