i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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