Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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