I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
