Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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