Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
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For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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