there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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