uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
