Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
