Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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