Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
