I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
