After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
