and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
