he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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