until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
