Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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