dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
