Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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