I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
