Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
