You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
