listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
