I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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