hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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