I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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