I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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