Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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