she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
