You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
