Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
