i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
