it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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