I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
