You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
