oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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