try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
