I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She said her name was "party"
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
