I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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