I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
