You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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