I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
