tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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