friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
