Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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