okay pat passed out under dana's car
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
