You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
