Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
