I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
