Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.

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  (708): i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection. http://tfl.nu/ljiq
  Replies (13) Good night (3785) Bad night (783)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?

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  (215): Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam? http://tfl.nu/4s96
  Replies (30) Good night (3900) Bad night (693)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis

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  (952): i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis http://tfl.nu/alsr
  Replies (18) Good night (3222) Bad night (924)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

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  (519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz
  Replies (56) Good night (8561) Bad night (1040)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Don't worry. I has chaperone.

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  (270): Don't worry. I has chaperone. http://tfl.nu/r0c5
  Replies (24) Good night (6171) Bad night (1229)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.

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  (630): It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party. http://tfl.nu/yf4m
  Replies (6) Good night (2966) Bad night (908)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.

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  (513): I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life. http://tfl.nu/fi4n
  Replies (6) Good night (4448) Bad night (864)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.

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  (603): sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are. http://tfl.nu/wnvk
  Replies (8) Good night (1030) Bad night (4341)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.

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  (786): HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM. http://tfl.nu/yhvq
  Replies (30) Good night (7146) Bad night (956)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?

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  (407): I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right? http://tfl.nu/v5fc
  Replies (11) Good night (1706) Bad night (1094)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.

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  (512): Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door. http://tfl.nu/gaii
  Replies (9) Good night (1027) Bad night (481)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome

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  (+44): Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome http://tfl.nu/l1fy
  Replies (8) Good night (1135) Bad night (519)
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  (760): View more from California

  The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.

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  (760): The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here. http://tfl.nu/qr6c
  Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (925)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.

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  (207): I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom. http://tfl.nu/g4e2
  Replies (6) Good night (889) Bad night (535)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?

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  (330): Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night? http://tfl.nu/irts
  Replies (0) Good night (654) Bad night (308)

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