it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
