Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome