Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dating After Heartbreak
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.