He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
