Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.

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(917): View more from New York City

we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?

(1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm so glad i pay social security

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(409): View more from Texas

Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.

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(905): View more from Ontario

he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.

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(513): View more from Ohio

wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?

(1-513): View more from Ohio

how could i say no?

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(480): View more from Arizona

her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome

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