Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense

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  (313): We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense http://tfl.nu/elta
  Replies (3) Good night (1149) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable

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  (831): I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines. (1-831): Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable http://tfl.nu/f2l0
  Replies (15) Good night (3252) Bad night (521)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.

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  (512): stuffed animals make me feel really maternal. http://tfl.nu/jnap
  Replies (3) Good night (929) Bad night (2165) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?

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  (415): This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf? http://tfl.nu/a0bl
  Replies (16) Good night (730) Bad night (3547) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.

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  (516): i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles. http://tfl.nu/x8s9
  Replies (15) Good night (6815) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?

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  (586): Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule? http://tfl.nu/p75m
  Replies (13) Good night (4424) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Clothes are such an inconvenience.

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  (519): Clothes are such an inconvenience. http://tfl.nu/1jcm
  Replies (22) Good night (8273) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before

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  (404): I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before http://tfl.nu/47j4
  Replies (16) Good night (3634) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.

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  (309): He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways. http://tfl.nu/72i4
  Replies (10) Good night (961) Bad night (2309) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums

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  (740): I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums http://tfl.nu/g3fl
  Replies (4) Good night (1631) Bad night (595)
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  (949): View more from California

  He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.

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  (949): He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do. http://tfl.nu/7uqv
  Replies (10) Good night (1984) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.

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  (360): Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof. http://tfl.nu/kt4t
  Replies (2) Good night (436) Bad night (1754) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.

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  (610): pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco. http://tfl.nu/n13q
  Replies (12) Good night (2023) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted

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  (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted http://tfl.nu/8l0y
  Replies (5) Good night (1290) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs

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  (269): You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs http://tfl.nu/fy9x
  Replies (5) Good night (678) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt

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