In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
