The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
