Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
