im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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