Swine flu. Run for my life!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
